Dealing with Aging Parents: How to be an Advocate

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Most of us who have the good fortune of seeing our parents live in to their older years will at some point find ourselves in the role of caregiver. Caregiving for parents can take many forms, but will most always require us to be an advocate.

There are many ways we are called to advocate for our parents, but none more critical than in matters of health. This can take the form of hiring caregivers, assisting with financial affairs or overseeing medical needs.

To advocate means to act or speak on behalf of someone. And this can be tricky because circumstances can dictate different actions. So how do we manage this balance? Think of it like driving--we have to know when to accelerate, when to slow down, and when to stop.

Accelerating, or taking a full advocacy role.

Acceleration is appropriate when there is a safety concern and a quick decision must be made. If your parent is too sick to make disicions or discuss care, there may be circumstances where you have to take on a full advocacy role, making the decision your loved one would want to the best of your ability. If possible, talk with your loved one while they are able to express their wants and needs. This way, if you ever need to take on a full advocacy role, you'll know what they would want.

Slowing down, or stepping back and knowing when to empower your parent.

Slowing down is important when you are making a decision for your parent that might make them feel helpless or hopeless. Even though you may not always agree with the choices your parent makes regarding their health, it's important to know when you need to fill the roll of a supporter and possibly advocate for your parent to other loved ones who may want something different for your parent.

Stopping, or knowing when enough is enough.

Making the decision to stop treatment or intervention when a parent can’t is one of the heaviest duties of an advocate. In these situations, it's important to carry out your parent's wishes to the best of your ability since you'll be acting on their behalf.

It is important to note that pre planning is critical when a parent is aging. Start conversations early – long before there is a need or a crisis. Your ability to be an effective advocate for your parent will be made more possible by the work you do long before they became seriously ill. Work together with your family to implement advance directives that state your parent's wishes in the event they become seriously ill. You might also consider discussing if your parent wants to name you as their health care power of attorney –also known as health care advocate. Consider accompaning your parent to doctor visits and keeping a list of their medical history and medications.

Keep in mind, there is no one way to advocate for a parent. You will do the right thing if you keep their medical history, health and wishes in mind when making important decisions. Act with love and you won’t go wrong.