Respite Care: Can I Walk Away?

About Juliet Holt Klinger

Senior Director of Dementia Care

Juliet is a passionate advocate for people living with dementia and their families. She is deeply committed to improving the cultural acceptance of those with cognitive differences. As our gerontologist and Senior Director of Dementia Care, Juliet develops person-centered care and programming for Brookdale’s dementia care communities. But if you ask her, Juliet says she continues to learn every day from the true experts, those living with dementia and their care partners. Juliet believes we need to move beyond the concept of caregiving, which implies a one-sided relationship, and embrace the idea of care partnering. Care partnering is about relationships built on cooperation—a two-way street promoting person-centered care and mutual feelings of purpose, where the person living with dementia also plays a strong role in shaping their care and daily routine. We are here to partner, learn and grow with our residents and families to make aging a better experience. After volunteering in nursing homes in high school, Juliet knew she wanted to work with older adults. While working on her bachelor’s degree in social work at the University of Iowa, she completed an Aging Studies Certificate program, before there were formal gerontology programs available. At Iowa, Juliet also had the chance to study with pioneers in the field of dementia care, an opportunity that shaped her passion for caring for those living with dementia. Trained as a gerontologist, with a master’s degree from the University of Northern Colorado, Juliet joined Brookdale in 2004. She is a seasoned senior living executive with more than 30 years of experience designing and executing innovative Alzheimer's and dementia care programs and living environments in both assisted living and skilled settings.

A son who care partnered with his father who was living with dementia once said to me, “It was harder for me to walk away from his funeral than it was to walk away from his care.” This declaration has stuck with me and guided me over the years as I have worked with people living with dementia and with their families.

I have learned that most dementia care partners are tenacious. They do not want to let go of that duty. A unique weight accompanies being the world’s leading expert on another person; particularly when that someone can no longer speak or do for themselves. How can you possibly trust someone else to know all that you know and to provide the care like you do, and in just the right way? You ask yourself, “What will happen if I am not there?” But there are times when it is crucial to get away. In fact, there are times when, if you don’t, you aren’t being a good care partner.

I hear care partners say all the time, “I do get breaks from time to time. I can leave the house and go to the grocery store or pick up prescriptions.” If you are still working toward the care of the household or that person, that is really not getting a break. You need to get away entirely every now and then.

The term “respite” is used in senior living to describe a short-term care that provides relief for the primary caregiver. It is one of the most underused tools available to care partners in a long-term care situation.

Respite care is a relatively uncomplicated process in which the person living with dementia comes to stay at Brookdale in one of our dementia care communities for a set amount of time (typically at least 7-10 days) while you, as their care partner, do something for yourself. You can stay home or go away, go shopping, visit friends, or do nothing at all for a few days and tackle some project that is easier to do alone. Some care partners use respite stays to prepare for the holidays or a big family event such as a wedding. In some cases, respite stays are a necessity if a care partner has their own health care event, such as a surgery or hospital stay. The time is yours for whatever you desire, so you can lift the weight off of your shoulders for a period of time.

Knowing when to get away, even for a week, can make a huge difference in your ability to continue in your role over a longer period of time. Being a good partner to the person living with dementia means caring for yourself, too.