Tips on How to Have That Conversation You've Been Putting Off

About Tori Thurmond

Tori Thurmond combines her creative writing background with her marketing experience in her role as the Content Specialist at Brookdale. When she's not writing, she's probably spending time with her two cats or knitting.

No one loves having difficult conversations, but sometimes they just have to happen. Maybe you’ve noticed that your dad isn’t as observant as he used to be while driving or you think your mom might need regular help around the house to remind her to take her medicine or help her with meals.

You want to bring these concerns to their attention, but you’re not exactly sure how. If you’re having a difficult time talking to your loved one about giving up certain responsibilities or tasks, here are a few conversational strategies to help make those talks more approachable.

Prepare for the Conversation

If you’re thinking about having a conversation with a family member about giving up certain responsibilities or suggesting a lifestyle change, consider preparing for the conversation beforehand. You don’t need to have every single thing you want to say planned out, but it can be helpful to have a few talking points. What behavioral changes have you noticed in your loved one? Why do you think this change might be good for their wellbeing? While you can’t predict exactly how the conversation will go, writing down a few topics you want to talk about can help guide the conversation.

Create a Safe Space

Consider having the conversation with your family member in a space where they feel comfortable. Is your parent most comfortable in their own home? Would talking while going on a walk in their favorite park be comfortable for them? Taking the physical environment where the conversation will take place into account can help someone know that they can speak up and participate in the conversation as opposed to just being talked at.

Creating a safe space isn’t all about the location though. Try to create an emotionally safe space by treating the conversation like a conversation—not an intervention. Make it clear that you want what’s best for your family member and that you want to work together to find a solution to any concerns you have.

Listen to Your Loved One

While this tip may seem obvious, make sure you take the time to listen to what your loved one has to say. When talking about something difficult, it can be easy to only think about the things you want to say, but your family member’s wishes should be the priority. They may have hesitations about the changes you’re suggesting or they may see the situation differently. By taking the time to really listen to what they have to say, you may be more likely to land on a solution that everyone will be happy with.

Work Together to Find a Solution

Whether your loved one sees the situation the same way you do or they have a different perspective, do your best to work together to find a solution both parties feel good about. It may not be possible to find a “perfect solution” right away, but a little bit of compromise or starting with small steps towards a bigger goal can go a long way. If your mom isn’t ready to have round-the-clock care, could you suggest only having help during the day or at night to start? If your dad doesn’t want to stop doing work around the house, could you suggest that whenever he needs to use a ladder or heavy equipment that he calls you or a neighbor to come over and help?

Accept That Multiple Conversations May Need to Happen

There’s a chance that speaking with your family member will be a one-and-done conversation. Maybe your parent shared a similar concern or you were able to agree on a change after one conversation, but most likely, these types of conversations will need to be revisited. Any change takes some getting used to, so be patient and be prepared to have several conversations about suggesting changes to your loved one’s routine.